The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
