You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
