well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
