i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
