You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
