please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
