well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
