So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
