So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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