she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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