careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
