His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
