I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
