we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
