based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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