i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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