He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
