i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
