If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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