"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
