oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
