Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
