what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
