The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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