I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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