Tell her she can't have a vagina
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
