well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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