There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
