i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
