She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize