I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
