Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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