Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
