im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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