I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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