One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
