you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
