he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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