you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
