No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
