I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
