I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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