I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
