I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
