omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
