Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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