im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The air was thick with penises
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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