is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
