do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize