Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize