People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
