How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she smelled like a LAN party
of course. lets lasso hookers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
