it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize