butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
