so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
