I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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