4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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