The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
