Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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