You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
