dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
