I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
