I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
