she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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