I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
no, he came in my armpit
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
