Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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