i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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