I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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