Nicole vs. Life
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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