you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
