im drinking this country out of the recession.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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